I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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