I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
