My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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