thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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