well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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