considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
