I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As shirtless as possible
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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