So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
