U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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