Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Is it because I queefed?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
