i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
pray to the hookup gods
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
