I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
