i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
