don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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