he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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