Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
