She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
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she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
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What's dad's email?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.