I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
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found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
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I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa