I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme