eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
the night ended with taco bell and tears
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
