I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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