I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!