I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
