I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
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Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
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Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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