a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I feel great
I just peed on a car
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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