I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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