I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
