dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
this hospital has no fireball
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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