Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
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Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
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I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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