I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
