I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
