just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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