Did you just see the Batmobile???
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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