Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
