Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
