At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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