There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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