no, he came in my armpit
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
