i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
