She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
