I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
