Sorry, I don't speak sober.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
