"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
