I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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