i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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