Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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