census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
