the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
you never un-have a 4some
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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