i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
