Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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