My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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