turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
