non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
