I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I woke up under a house in Key West
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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