My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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