girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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