so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
