Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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