He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
