I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
