turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
