No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
