I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
