sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
