there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
How's work?
Spinning.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
