Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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