You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
