i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
