i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
