You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
