I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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