I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
